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We used to be friends. A long time a-go.

Monday, December 11, 2006

Written by Samartha Gamble

Dear Sammy,

My best friend is very jealous of me having other friends and always succeeds in breaking up any new friendship that I aspire to pursue. I am often left feeling responsible for her unpleasant feelings and inability to make herself have a good time. Last week we went to a CD release party, and as usual she got upset that I was off to one side talking to this woman who was the designer of the CD cover. My friend just came up with this extremely unpleasant look on her face, (like always) and said that she was ready to leave, clearly ignoring the other woman and looking right at me instead. I was so embarrassed and hastily said goodbye. I really wanted to tell her off, but couldn’t. I held off, as I often do, since she just lost her sister almost a year ago. Along with her family, I have been a true friend through it all. Sammy, I just don’t know how much more I’m able to tolerate, as her public humiliations seem on the rise every time we go out. I wish to have a win-win situation, because we have been friends for so long.

Sammy, do you think it is time to put this friendship behind me?

  • A hurt friend

Dear Hurt friend,

Was your friend this way towards you before she lost her sister? If the answer is yes, then you definitely have to address this problem immediately, especially if there are signs of jealousy towards you. Even though your friend is grieving, she is still obligated to be a positive friend to you, and by your own admission, she has not. My suggestion to you is to continue being a good friend but avoid inviting or accompanying her to any social events until you have gently spoken to her about your injured feelings. This silent exclusion should then serve as a sign to her that you are unhappy with her behavior. Instead of approaching her, allow your friend to come to you and ascertain what’s wrong. While it is imperative for us to be understanding and supportive towards our friends when they are grieved or hurt, it is equally important for us to be true to ourselves and reassess their value in our lives when they emotionally wound and show disregard for our feelings. Just don’t bank on getting the win-win situation that we all want in our relationship conflicts though. Sometimes we have to lose some friendships to find the true friendships that have the power of enabling rather than disabling to our happiness.

“Be True to You,”

  • Sammy ;-)
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