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The Proposal Crasher

Monday, March 19, 2007

Written by Samartha Gamble

Dear Sammy:

I am a 24-year-old male in my final months before graduating from university. My campus lady friend is also soon to graduate. (I refer to her as that because I’ve never seen myself pursuing this relationship further than university). A few days ago I overheard her telling a friend on the phone that she is going to propose to me on our graduation day; she was even discussing whether or not she should purchase a ring. Sammy, I have not been the same since overhearing this phone conversation. While we both enjoy each other’s good natured companionship, we have never discussed a future and now I’m just here waiting for her to bring up this subject that has been very stressful on my happiness. With a few months away from graduation, I know without a doubt that I could never marry her. Sammy, how can I save her from embarrassing herself from the guilt of me turning down her proposal?

  • Running Scared on Campus

Dear Running Scared:

Good for you for being true to yourself. You may have just saved two lives from a future of unhappiness and regret. Nothing is worse when someone is being forced to accept a marriage proposal just to save face. Nevertheless, you should not allow yourself to get into such a tizzy; you should feel great that someone thinks the world of you and wants to share their life with you. That being said, you have the power of preventing this marriage proposal from ever being uttered and that power comes from the fact that your lady is unaware that you’ve overheard her telephone conversation. This foresight puts you in a powerful position to slow down her train of hope before it pulls into rejection station. Don’t risk waiting for her to hint or propose to you and instead bring up the subject yourself. Here are some hands-on thoughts to assist you in your aim to save face and at least preserve your friendship: Make every conversation with your lady from now on, an opportunity to disable her intentions of proposing to you. Talk with great enthusiasm about your own post-university aspirations or speak about rekindling your relationship with your family after being away from them for so long. All this talk about you with no mention of her in your future plans should make her rethink proposing to you, thus eliminating the risk in alienating or possibly isolating you. However you choose to handle this will be your call to make. I ask only that you exercise discretion and omit the part about her not being marriage material should she propose unexpectedly to you. Hope your graduation is a day of pride and celebration and not a day of discomfort for either of you.

  • Sammy
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