Monday, April 2, 2007
I’m a 20-year-old female and a first time listener of the Talk Therapy Show. I must say, I really enjoyed last week’s program on “Things you ought to know”. When you spoke about things we ought to know about breakups, you mentioned that it’s normal for people to feel embarrassed after being broken up with. Well, I was recently dumped by a guy that I really cared for and I thought that he felt the same way towards me. In my heart, I believed that he may have been confused and that he didn’t really mean to break up with me, so I decided to call him to sort things out. I left numerous messages and wrote him several emails just to tell him how I felt and to try and get him back. I went to see him at work and I tried to meet up with him after his classes but he just ignored me like I wasn’t even there. I feel so hurt that he would act this way towards me, but mostly I feel embarrassed that I did all these things to try and win him back. I can’t seem to be able to shake this gut retching feeling, so, what should I do?
- Embarrassed Ex
Dear Embarrassed Ex:
Virtually everyone has been dumped at some point in their lives; I certainly have - so I know it hurts like crazy. It is never easy when a relationship ends. The memories are still fresh, the thoughts and feelings are all still there and then there’s the whole other set of feelings that "being dumped" comes with. Getting over a breakup is a fact of life that we all face. As I mentioned on last week’s show, it’s perfectly normal for people to feel embarrassed after being dumped. When your heart hurts, you act out in ways you usually wouldn’t when in normal state of mind. But please don’t let this feeling of embarrassment make you feel any less as a person Embarrassed Ex. By leaving numerous messages and writing your ex email after email, you were really letting go of some of the pain you had inside. You allowed your wounded heart to do the walking and talking for a while and that’s called being human. It’s going to take that heart some time to heal and for that feeling of embarrassment to fade away. But
above all, you need to realize that this relationship is over and that it’s time for you to go on with your life. Furthermore, letting go of the embarrassment will help you move onto healing. Embarrassed Ex, I encourage you to look forward to a brighter future and the chance of meeting somebody new! Don’t let one failed relationship spoil your happiness. Go out, make new friends, and feel good about yourself. I sincerely hope that you’ve learned something from this relationship and apply this new attitude to any future breakups that you may have to deal with.