Students are too stupid to vote
Monday, January 16, 200660 Comments
After all, phrases like “exercise their franchise” are worse then meaningless to students: they are downright annoying. Or rather, they would be annoying if students had enough wit to figure out what they mean. But they don’t.
The Rock the Vote boat has sunk. It is official: nobody cares. Go ahead and ask them, they will tell you that all politics is corrupt, nothing matters, and nobody is trustworthy. Bla, bla, bla and whah, whah, whah.
As the Einsteins at Elections Canada have discovered, it does no good to mention that other university students fought for these votes, for the right of 18 year olds to mark a ballot. Who the hell cares? That was the past, and the past exists to be moronically distained.
You can try to rile them up with the fact that it used to be only white, male, property owners over 21 that could vote, but you will see scant evidence of comprehension -- and even less evidence of concern -- for your trouble. So why are we twisting ourselves up in knots over these know-nothings and their knuckle-headed no-nothingness? How many times to they get to kick us in the teeth before we stop smiling?
Your average student won’t pause the ipod to consider getting informed. Sure, they will sign a petition against bacon farming, military dance lessons, and pay raises for university presidents; and we keep hearing how involved and caring they are about Third World debt, disease, war, and unfair judging at Canadian Idol; but don’t expect them to take the 15 seconds it takes to cast a ballot. If it’s something that their dad might do, it is, by definition, dirty, boring, and status lowering. Voting is so main-stream that if somebody sees you do it, it could negatively impact on your status as nincompoop nihilist. And students just couldn’t have that. That wouldn’t give them an easy out; they’d have to explain themselves. And to explain themselves they’d have to know something. And to know something they’d have to examine something. And that is way, way, beyond their feeble mental capacities.
So I say fine. Whatever you do students, don’t vote. You don’t deserve it. Be the idiot that you are instead. I don’t care. But know this: every time you stay away from the voting booth you make my vote count more – which is what I am sure you wanted. After all, we white middle aged middle class men don’t have enough power, enough say in how the country is run; we need more. And we deserve it. After all, we pay attention to the issues and vote for the people who will give us a few more bucks and to hell with everybody else. Including and especially you. Here is what I think of the issues:
- Student loans? Not my problem.
- Youth unemployment? Doesn’t impact on me; don’t care.
- Environmental degradation? I’m betting that I’ll be dead before it gets too bad, so I’d rather not have to make any sacrifices now..
I’m mister middle of the road, the guy that’s going to elect Prime Minister Harpy by doing something easy that you can’t be bothered to do.
Thanks a lot, stupid.
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