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So-called friends

Tuesday, March 8, 2005

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Written by The Roommates

Maruska and I come from two different cities and two different schools. The groups of people and cliques were different between our schools. The only thing that is the same between our schools was that they had cliques. There are those certain people in every school that will judge everyone they see passing by. Coming out of high school we both expected everyone to have grown out of that high school clique stage, but I guess we expected too much.

Maruska - says:
I was so excited to get out of high school and away from the immaturity, and cliques and rumours and into university where people would be more accepting. I was sure that they would be because a lot of the students I met during frosh week were at least a year older, who stayed back a year to work or go to school. But, a lot's changed since frosh week.

Trish - says:
Frosh week was definitely a time where people were trying to make friends so that's when a lot of the fake faces were put on. People were just being nice to everyone and talking to everyone because that’s what you're supposed to do. A lot of people talked about how they're very accepting of all people and they don't judge, but clearly that wasn't the case. Some people would say how they love to party so much all the time but then turn out to be the complete opposite. Why do people feel the need to make a false impression on others?


Maruska - says:
If they had to work so hard to make that false impression, they could have really put that effort into something else, like meeting people and socializing more effectively. How can people be having fun when they think they have to lie constantly? Maybe they think they need to make false impressions because they feel they'll be judged if not, just like they do with others. So, I guess it all comes down to: If you don't judge others, they won't judge you.

Trish - says:
How can they not judge others though? A good portion have just come out of high school, that’s four years of judging others and now they just have a bigger variety of people different then they are. The problem with University Residence life is that people get stuck living around people that they have nothing in common with. So how do we interact with people we already know we won't like? Apparently the answer is - be fake.


Maruska - says:
If somebody thinks that the answer to not finding people you like is to just be fake, then I don't think they tried everything. In residence, it's not like there's only so many people, there are a lot of people. I can understand if someone only tries befriending their neighbours and they're not their "type" of people, but there are so many other people to meet. On the topic of finding friends and people that are other people's "type", what is that all about? Why should someone have to be a certain way in order to be friends with them? I don't remember picking and prodding at people's personalities, and things they do, and then all of a sudden realize they’re not "friend material".

Trish - says:
The fakest thing I remember myself doing is trying to be nice to everyone. I didn't exactly want there to be any tension with people I had to see every day. Even now we'll still try to be nice to all those people that live nearby. However, there is never a full conversation between us and what we would call our "so called friends". All those people that we met during frosh week and those people that live around us we try to talk to, but just have nothing to say to each other. Why is it we could all get along before, but now that everyone has come to terms with who they really are the furthest our conversations get are "Hey."


Maruska - says:
Or a distant glare, which has to be the worst greeting.

Trish - says:
Yes, why glare at people? They know who you are and you know who they ar,e and if you have talked before then what changed? Have they become less friendly or just realized they don't want to be friends?

Maruska - says:
When we're trying to be nice and friendly, we don't see it as being fake though because we're genuine when we act like that. The only reason why you would say it's the fakest thing you did is because that's what everyone else thinks, but really it's far from fake. We love meeting new people, but lately it seems like a chore. I don't think we have it in us to be fake, it's more work than just being yourself. You have to keep up with the lies you've been telling, and sooner or later, it's true, they will catch up to you.

Trish - says:
What's the point in lying at this age now anyways? If people aren't interested in whom you are then why would you waste your energy trying to impress them. The university is so big that it impossible not to find at least a few friends that are interested in who you are and will be themselves around you too. Still it is uncomfortable living around people who judge you because personalities and it makes me wonder, what happened to all those people you met in the beginning of the year that you thought were going to be you're good friends.

Maruska - says:
Yes, if somebody really doesn't think their life is interesting enough to share, then instead of making up lies, just make the lies reality and you'll end up having good, true stories to tell. Yes, it's pretty bad when you're uncomfortable where you live, because other people don't make it easy. I don't know where those people are...random sitings in the hall

Trish - says:
I think the worst interactions happen in classes though. When you walk into a huge class of about 200 people alone I personally get scared. I start talking to who ever I happen to sit beside but then I rarely speak to them again. If I see someone I know from class outside of the classroom everything changes. For example there was a girl I knew from one of my seminars and she moved into my Res sometime later and we talked at first, but then she stopped talking to me. What changed ?

Maruska - says:
You read my mind, I was just about to say, do people actually meet friends in classes? Because I don't know one person who told me they met someone in class, which is where I thought a lot of people would meet. Well, was she fake in class?

Trish - says:
She seemed nice in class. We were always put into groups and we talked and did our work and it was positive social interaction.

Maruska - says:
All I know is that things changed after she got close with the neighbours that don’t socialize with us anymore.

Maruska - says:
It does seem like is it possible for so many people in such a big residence to be the same way.

Maruska - says:
Good question, we should interview people for that.


THE INTERVIEWS

Trish - says:
Did you find it hard to make friends in residence or did you find that a lot of people were immature and judgmental?

R says:
No, because we didn’t know anyone when we first arrived; therefore, everyone was pretty friendly and open and willing to make new friendships. I don’t think that a lot of people were judgmental

A says:
I found that people were very nice in the beginning but I also noticed some people were childish. When I was meeting people I could tell who were honestly going to be nice people that I could actually hang out with. I also encountered many people who I knew I would never get along with and yet they still tried to be nice to me.

Trish - says:
Did you encounter people that were some what fake and sort of changed who they were just to fit in?

R says:
No, I don’t believe I did

A says:
Yes I did, I just tried not to communicate with them.

end

Trish – says
It’s true that there are no cliques in university like there are in high school and most people in the interviews said that it was fairly easy to make friends because we’re all in the same position. However, every now and then they encountered a person they didn’t want to deal with.
So maybe we were just unlucky with the people we met Maruska, maybe we just got the bad end of residence with all the people that just haven’t grown up yet.


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