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Part-time lover - full-time headaches

Monday, March 5, 2007

Written by Samartha Gamble

Dear Sammy:

I am a 24-year-old male. Recently I went to a film festival, where I was a volunteer stage hand. I met this girl who was also a volunteer in our group and we were inseparable all day. We hit it off and decided to exchange email addresses. After a month of web talk, we decided to go out for dinner and we had such an awesome time that night, we’ve been really close ever since. However, reality is about to set in because my girlfriend of two years, who I am deeply in love with, is coming back from Kenya where she’s been with a group working in orphanages for six months. She is always away and I find myself lonely and in need for attention. I was honest and did tell my new friend that I had a girlfriend and she said that she was ok with it, but now she is really angry and is going to our fellow volunteer friends for support, which has been a little upsetting and embarrassing for me. She basically wants me to break up with my girlfriend when she gets back and I am not prepared to do that. I also find myself having great difficulty giving up the new one as she has kept me sane during the time I was alone. Sammy, I feel so guilty and want to deal with this before my girlfriend returns. Can you please spare some advice for me?

  • Moonlighter

Dear Moonlighter:

Please quit while you’re ahead! You’ve already cheated on your girlfriend, who’s off doing good for the sake of humanity so I suggest you do something for her and your own humanity by ending this other relationship ASAP, and then start purging your conscience before she gets back. She doesn’t deserve to return to this bombshell, and since you can’t keep both of these women, the wise thing to do is to acknowledge the wounded emotions of your part-time lover. Remind her of her of how okay she was with you having a girlfriend and try to wean yourself slowly from being intimate with her. In your email you stated that the new girl has been rallying support from your volunteer work mates; such an action in my opinion would make me rethink continuing any relations with this woman. The fact that she has taken the liberty of involving others’ in your personal affairs goes to show her potentiality for causing you future distress.

Mend this now, and make sure no bad feelings from this relationship are left to disturb your girlfriend when she arrives- no doubt she’ll be anxious to see you as it is. Should things remain irreparable between you and this young lady, you may have to do the right thing and tell your girlfriend the truth before she finds out from someone else. Trust me, telling the truth isn’t that bad. It truly can set you free and accord you hope and respect from your girlfriend. Who knows, things might even end up for the better. You may want to consider though not dating traveling women; you seem to be the kind of guy who needs your lady in town and with you. Whosoever you choose, it is ultimately your decision to make. But to help you arrive at the decision, try answering the following questions as honestly as you can: Which of the two do you feel trust, commitment, and intimacy with? And which one of the two of has made sacrifices for you in making you a better man? Your honest answers to these questions will help you make the right choice. I hope all goes well, and remember truth is the only antidote for guilt.

  • Sammy
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