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Inordinate Ordnance: One Million Moms, Giving Moms a Bad Name

Thursday, May 31, 2012

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Written by Chris Carr

Batman is awesome. He is. I am not going to cite that claim because, like Julius Caesar, Mickey Mouse, McDonald’s Quarter Pounder and Jesus Christ, some things are indicative of their character and need not be disputed. Pick your own personal hero and I’m sure you can tell me myriad reasons why that individual (or sandwich) is awesome.

For me, that was Batman. I had the Batman action figures, lunchboxes, the shoes and the cape. Which, much to the distaste of my mother, I wore it from the age of three until my pre-teen years (I still have it, but it doesn’t fit, sadly). I feel I owe Bruce Wayne a lot for my upbringing. He taught me that small beginnings equal great endings, evil can always be beaten and he taught me to be attracted to women?

There were countless women in the DC universe that were always eager to be under Batman’s bullet-proof chest plate. Vicky Vale, the plucky but firm reporter for the Gotham Gazette. Poison Ivy, the deadly siren who used pheromones to render herself irresistible to men. And Catwoman. Ahh Catwoman, to this day I still find saucers of milk strangely titillating. Regardless, Batman had sex with women. Therefore, as a young male, this was the only catalyst keeping me from being a homosexual and kept me on the straight and narrow path to being a good, moral person.

Of course, this is all untrue. Batman taught me core moral abilities. Like one should always do the right thing, no matter the consequence, not whether I should be attracted to Lois Lane or Clark Kent. Now One Million Moms, the American family fundamentalist group, would have you believe the contrary.

There are two major players in comics (for those not down with all things geek), Detective Comics (DC), who are responsible for such greats as Batman, Superman, Green Lantern and The Flash. And there is Marvel, responsible for icons like Spider-Man, The Incredible Hulk and Iron Man. Well, both of these franchises have said in recent press releases that they will be writing in more characters who happen to be homosexual. Marvel, specifically, will have an issue of the X-Men devoted to the marriage of Northstar (an X-Man) and his partner, who is also a man.

One Million Moms feel that this doesn’t jive with a properly run family, “Children desire to be just like superheroes. Children mimic superhero actions and even dress up in costumes to resemble these characters as much as possible. Can you imagine little boys saying, ‘I want a boyfriend or husband like X-Men?’” 

As a straight man, I can tell you without a shadow of a doubt, I would love to be the husband of any of the X-men. That would be awesome. Especially Wolverine, he’s Canadian, so there would be no messy “green card” business.

But ANYWAY, these people are bigots, and that is much less funny. I fail to see how any idol’s sexual orientation can have a negative affect on a child. When Batman kissed Talia al Ghul, a female assassin sent to kill him, in a comic I was reading, I thought it was gross. Why? Because I was nine. My sexual identity took a serious backseat to the important things in my life at that point. Here’s the list of my nine-year-old self’s needs: One, The Ninja Turtle’s Van, to put my Ninja Turtles in and crash them into things. Two, the Ghostbuster’s ambulance, to put my Ghost Busters in, to crash into my Turtle Van. Three, Apple Juice. And four, my Bat-Cape.

What was missing? I’ll tell you. Any thought or inclination toward members of either the opposite or the same sex. And I was reading comic books, watching the Justice League and idolizing men in tights. None of that changed how I saw others, especially sexually. The only thing that deems someone homosexual is whether or not they enjoy members of the same sex, not who’s finger the Green Lantern put his power-ring on.

In summation, I know this group holds no validity. However, people with such prejudices should not be around children. Comic books are much less of a threat to minds of kids, than bigoted parents.

 

If you are also concerned about problems that aren’t actually  problems, I encourage you to visit the site here for more information about nothing important. It’s like Chernobyl, you want to believe it doesn’t exist, but unfortunately, it does.

 

Chris Carr is Editor-in-Chief of thecannon. Inordinate Ordnance publishes every Thursday in The Cannon and in The Ontarion Student Newspaper at the University of Guelph.

The opinions posted on thecannon.ca reflect those of their author and do not necessarily reflect the opinions of the Central Student Association and the Guelph Campus Co-op. We encourage all students to submit opinion pieces, including ones that run contrary to the opinion piece in question.

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