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Distraught and caught between a rock and a hard place

Monday, December 4, 2006

Written by Samartha Gamble

Dear Sammy,

My father is cheating on my mother. I found out with much embarrassment through a friend, who claimed to have seen him with this woman, who is obviously not my mom. I want to tell my mother, but she is already suffering too much from the constant put downs from my father. I am torn between telling her and not telling her. So instead, I decided to follow him one night in my car to see for myself - sure enough my friend was right. I don’t think it is fair that my mother’s life is being played with, while my father continues to mistreat her and now is adding insult to injury by cheating on her. Dear Sammy, I am so distraught about this situation. The hurt I feel is unbearable. I know my father doesn’t love my mother, he has told her so in my presence. Can you give me a little advice, before I make a final decision, to tell or not to tell?

  • Distraught

Dear Distraught,

I am so sorry that you had to find out from a friend about your father’s infidelity. First of all, I think your Dad has been extremely insensitive to mom’s feelings for far too long, and maybe this is the time for you and Mom to make some much needed changes in your lives. Personally, I wouldn’t tell mom anything at this present time. Instead, go to your father and face him with the information that you have discovered. Let him make the decision to either end the relationship or cease robbing your mother of her dignity. Should he decide to do neither of the two, then you may have to inform your mother of the truth and support her as she grieves this most unpleasant and upsetting news. Your mother deserves to live fulfilled with an emotionally healthy life, and as you said yourself - she has gone through this for far too long. You seem an admirable off-spring and a good source of support for mom. I’m confident that you and mom will be in fine form, as the two of you give strength to each other through this unfortunate family breakdown that seems destined to have an unpleasant ending. Distraught, the skinny is this: sometimes we have to force ourselves to confront the unpleasantness in our lives, in exchange for a more pleasant life. Keep your faith in goodness always.

  • Sammy

Tune in to the Talk Therapy Show on December 6, 8-9 pm, as we welcome Dr. Monica Hernandez, Th. D., D-C.P.C., to discuss her Article "To Thine Own Self Be True", recently published in Pride News Magazine and on how to build a strong foundation in your family

Dr. Hernandez is a conference speaker, host of 'The Revealing Word', a radio broadcast heard on 'JOY 1250 AM' on Sunday mornings at 8:30. She holds a doctorate in Theology and is also a Diplomate-Certified Psychotherapist and Counsellor. Dr. Hernandez is also an esteemed spiritual/Lifestyle columnist for the 'Pride Newspaper', as well the author of the spiritual workbook, 'Breaking through the Barriers'.

Her passions include: Delivering seminars and conferences that focus on themes such as the battle of the sexes, breaking cycles of defeat in families, tools for building a strong foundation in families, mending brokenness in families, strengthening family values, inspiring the future generation, and much more. It is our wish that Dr. Hernandez will not only teach you the why's and how's of being true to yourself, but leave you with a lasting awareness that is sure to enhance your life both spiritually and emotionally.

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